absbookcrosser, this is for you

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when an intruder startled her. She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables and yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (Repent and be baptized, every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of your sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.)

The burglar stopped in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture at you."

"Scripture?!?" replied the burglar. "She said she had an Axe and two 38's!"

(stolen from beteljooz on BX)